Finding Emotional Connection in a World of Small-Talk

Why does no one tell you that one of the hardest parts of becoming an adult is finding new friends? Or that as an adult you must master the art of small talk to survive random grocery store encounters with people you know. For me personally, finding friends throughout school and college was no problem. Once I got married and had a baby, it has become extensionally difficult to find true connections and maintain them through the busyness of life. Through personal experience and some research, I am going to share with you how to find new friends and build emotional connections.

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

The first step to finding good connections is looking for them. For example, I forced myself to sign up for a women’s home group at my church in hopes of finding some mom friends. Guess what?! I did, and they are great! Sometimes it truly does take getting out of your comfort zone and making that initial step to finding some new friends.  


Find People Similar to You 

Another great piece of advice for finding those good connections is to look for them in places that you identify with. Research shows that we as humans are hardwired to like and attract people who are similar to us. If you like to read, going to the library may give you the opportunity to find a friend who also enjoys reading. If you love yoga – signing up for a Saturday morning yoga class may open a door to connecting with people who also love to exercise. There are higher chances of you building deeper connections with people who tend to enjoy the same things you do. Meeting someone at a yoga class can potentially lead to an opportunity to go for coffee after. Utilizing pre-scheduled events like an exercise class on Saturday morning or church on Sunday provides an opportunity for consistency of seeing your new friends and checking up on one another. 


Be Intentional

Finding friends as an adult is hard, and maintaining friendships is even harder. With work, school drop-offs, doctors’ appointments, and laundry – a month can pass you by in two minutes. Intentionality is key to cultivating good quality relationships and deep connections. This can look like you simply reaching out via text message “thinking of you” and later planning a friend hang session. 


Look At Who You Already Have 

While you are looking for new friends and better connections; notice the people that you already have in your life. Could you have a better relationship with your in-laws? Can you deepen your emotional connection with your spouse? Cultivating healthy relationships with family members can give you a sense of safety in this world – as you belong somewhere like you have your own village. 


To sum up, every one of us longs for deep human connections. Sometimes, it is up to us to take the initiative to seek out people who we can connect with. In order to maintain these new relationships; intentionality is key to growing the connection. Finally, don’t forget about your spouse or family members – they can be great friends to us as well. 



If you have any other tips on how to find friends and build deep connections off in the comments. We look forward to hearing from you.  If you would like to find support or connect with a therapist connect with our team at www.compasscounseling.com.  If you would like to schedule an appointment today click here!





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Yuliya Phillips