Spring Clean Your Friends: Three Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Friends
Studies show that if your friend becomes obese, your chances of gaining weight in the next two years are at 45% (Fowler & Christakis, 2007). Studies also show that if your close friend starts smoking, your chances of taking up the habit rise to 61% (Fowler & Christakis, 2008). So, the verdict is – your friends can make you fat and a smoker. The good news is that this magic also works for positive habits. For example, if your friend and his or her friend are happy individuals, your chances of feeling happiness rise. The chances rise more than they would if you got a raise at your job! Astonishing, right?! The moral of my story is that the people who you surround yourself with can and will most likely influence the DNA of your future. Not only can the people you spend time with can alter your physical appearance and your habits; but they can also influence your mental health. We have all heard cheesy quotes like “show me your friends and I’ll show you your future” or “we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with”, turns out, that even science has proven this through countless studies.
Two months ago we had entered a new year full of hope and goals for the future. Hopefully, you are still powering through and determined to reach your goals and resolutions. If not, take a closer look at who you have been giving your time to (your children and your boss are excluded from this roster). Ask yourself these three questions-
1. How’s your mental state after spending time with my friend?
I’d like to challenge you to observe your emotions before, during, and after the encounter with your close friend or friends. Some people in our lives bring us joy, hope, and encouragement while others can make us feel drained, sad, and anxious. If a certain pattern of emotions continues to repeat itself as a result of your encounters, it’s time to decide whether you want to continue feeling this way long-term. Now, remember, emotions influence your mental health, for better or for worse, and can reveal themselves in your other relationships. The goal is to let go of draining relationships and form new healthy connections to better your mental health and your overall future.
2. Does my friend and I have an honest and fair relationship?
There is nothing worse than being in a one-way relationship where you are putting in all of the efforts. Such a relationship can make you feel undesired, unappreciated, and so many other things nobody wants to feel. It’s important to observe if your relationship is fair. Are you both putting in the effort to stay connected amid the madness? Also, can you trust this person? Who you surround yourself with doesn’t just solely impact you but your spouse, your kids, and your family.
3. Does my friend inspire me to be better?
Since research reveals that friends play a tremendous importance in the habits you form and the goals you reach; this question is a must in your spring cleaning this year. Motivation tends to fade and that’s when good friends can help you stay on track with your goals. I don’t know about you, but my fit friends make me want to skip the dessert and my financially smart friends make me want to skip the trip to HomeGoods. They usually don’t even have to say anything, but their powers work on me almost every time.
If you have tips on how to find and connect with good friends, fire them off in the comments. We look forward to hearing from you. If you would like to find support or connect with a therapist connect with our team at www.compasscounseling.com. If you would like to schedule an appointment today click here!
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Here’s the truth, you are overwhelmed, stuck, and know something has got to change, but asking for help is hard. Most people think that their problems are not big enough for counseling and wait 8 years or more to reach out for help. At Compass Counseling we know that we all have mental health and you want to feel good about yourself and your relationships. Over the past 8 years, we have crafted an excellent team of professionals that have served thousands of people in Western KY and we want to help you on your path to change. Our Master's level therapists will support you and teach you skills to learn to manage the overwhelm and overcome your struggle. When you leave your first session, you will feel confident & ready to start on your path of change. Connect with us today at www.compasscouseling.com or schedule an appointment.
References
Christakis, N. A., & Fowler, J. H. (2008). The collective dynamics of smoking in a large social network. New England journal of medicine, 358(21), 2249-2258.
Christakis, N. A., & Fowler, J. H. (2007). The spread of obesity in a large social network over 32 years. New England journal of medicine, 357(4), 370-379.